Jessica's lack-of-power struggle, Saturday evening

NOTE: This harrowing tale was originally recorded using the ancient methods of a pencil and paper. It was transcribed Monday night in a format easily readable by others (because no one can read my handwriting) and set to autopost throughout the week.

Translation: Jessica was unable to watch “My Name is Earl” reruns on Netflix after a nasty windstorm knocked out power for several days, so she continued to blog on paper. She watches too many apocalyptic movies, so the second she has access to Netflix you will find her motionless on the couch rewatching “The Stand”, because that’s what she’s been comparing her experiences to all weekend (even though they didn’t have smart phones or iPods). Oh, and also the #Anniesmove episode of Community. 

See all parts here.

PART 3

Saturday's paper.

The Lancaster Meijer had flashlights left.

Saturday 9:30 p.m.: Normally I’d be feeling really bad for Lizzie right now, but she’s not here. I’m sitting outside and there are fireworks going off in every direction. They don’t bother me. I like the smell.

I’ve had a good meal, a chicken bowl at Chipotle, and I’m a little more prepared, so I’m feeling better. But there are still no lights, and might not be for quite some time…

Warrior Dash 2011 in Hocking Hills: The real race report, and 30 lessons learned

T-shirt and medal

I kind of skimped on the previous Warrior Dash race report, so here's the no-holds-barred, nitty-gritty detail-ridden, bare-all report!!!

See results and photos here!

Warrior Evelyn

Miss Evelyn H. arrived at my apartment at about 1 p.m. last Sunday and after a brief detour to Quiznos we started the southbound journey to Hocking Hills. We stopped at a Big Lots for duct tape, face paint and band-aids. No face paint, so we settled on magic markers.

Lesson #1: If you hurriedly walk into a Big Lots, approach the clerk and ask where you can find duct tape, face paint and band-aids, you will get looks.

Warrior Beth

I finally touched base with the always-adventurous Beth O., slowly recovering from a wedding the night before. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "Beth!!"
Beth: "I am soooooo hungover"
Me: **Laughs hysterically** "That's no excuse, you ready??"
Beth: "He77 yea"
(Boring logistical talk)

Lesson #2: A hangover is never an excuse not to run. I set my 5K PR on Jan. 1.

Warrior Jessica

We approach Hocking Hills on a long and windy road and make a pit stop at Wendy's. Very clean people sought race advice from very dirty people celebrating their muddy victories with burgers and Frosties. The consensus: "Dude, that was awesome."

Lesson #3: If you don't like port-a-pottys, stop at Wendy's on your way in to pee.

The parking lot, two miles away from the actual event, was a madhouse. Mud tracks went in both directions. Some people were tailgating. I saw some clean people walking back to their cars. "If I come out that clean I'm going to be sorely disappointed", I say. "Don't worry, you won't!" a guy replies. Then I saw the solution to their cleanliness -- a long line of people waiting to be sprayed down by a hose. The parking lot was in a very open area and I saw several people stripping down and changing, chucking their muddy clothes in the trash.

Lesson #4: This should be obvious, but bring a change of clothes!

Muddy shoe pile

We boarded a bus to get to Kaeppner Woods. Walking in we saw a mound of muddy shoes. The event was going to clean them off and donate them to charity.

With 20,000 people participating throughout the weekend I was impressed by the organization. First we had to sign a waiver, the only thing I really remember on the form was "I will not dive headfirst into the mud", beyond that I just wrote "JAs" down the line and scribbled my name at the bottom. Then we got our packets which included a shoe chip, that doubled as our free beer token, a viking hat and a shirt. Evelyn paid extra money for these cool stickers that went under the eyes.

(More after the jump. Much more. Keep reading!!)